I am sure that I am not the only person that is an expert at embarassing myself...I am sure there are others out there...at least I HOPE there are others out there that have done some of the things I am about to describe.
One thing I do, and it's not too embarassing if I am by myself, but still makes me hang my head in shame, is turn the radio down at the drive-up ATM machine. I know I am not the only person who does this! But sure enough, when I pull up to the ATM, I reach over and turn the volume all the way down. WHAT?! Don't judge me!! Maybe the ATM machine was having a bad day and wanted someone to talk to about it...I wouldn't have been able to hear it with my music up now, would I?!?
Another thing I tend to do more often than some is trip on air. I know for a fact I am not the only one, but that doesn't make it any less embarassing! I can just be walking along, shoes tied, not even chewing gum, and the air sticks it's foot out and trips me! It wouldn't be so bad, but I always get tripped by the air in the most embarassing places...for instance walking into the store. I am walking along, tra-la-la-la, and there just happen to be 50 people walking in right behind me, and there's that invisible foot! "WHOOOP" I exclaim as I dang near fall on my face...then of course I look behind me and scowl as if one of the people behind me tried to trip me. (This doesn't work folks if the closest person to you is 10 feet away from you!!!) So, then I just hope that no one saw it and continue on. You can never get that lucky, by the way...everyone in the WORLD saw you do it, and they are going to be laughing AT you for the rest of the day!
I know I am not the only one who has been in this situation either, but picture this... you're sitting in a nice restaurant with a guy your friend set you up with, and the waiter brings out a plate with some appetizers. They look delicious! It looks like a snack you'd never make for yourself, but it looks good. So you pick up one of the delicious smelling morsels, and since you're so sure it's going to taste good, you don't bother taking a little nibble...no, you put the whole thing in your mouth. BIG MISTAKE FOLKS!!
Just because it looks mouth-wateringly scrumptious, does NOT always mean it will be! Now you've got a mouth full of the nastiest food you've ever tasted! What are you supposed to do?! The guy sitting across from you at the table decides that this is THE moment that he wants to have a staring contest with you. "How do you like it?" he asks lovingly, not taking his eyes off of you, thus making it impossible to spit the atrocity in your mouth out into your napkin! You just nod your head and try desperately not to close your mouth all the way because if you do, the taste will envelope all of your tastebuds.
So the nastiness is sitting on the tip of your tongue and you wish with all of your might that he will look away for just ONE FREAKING SECOND, but he just won't! So somehow you manage to smile at him without closing your lips. How that's possible? Who knows?! He smiles back and refuses to look away. At this point your jaw is beyond exhausted and you know that you're either going to have to chew and swallow the gross, now incredibly soggy, mound of nastiness in your mouth or have to have corrective surgery on your jaw because of the obscure position you have locked your mouth in to avoid tasting the foulness in it's completeness.
You shift it over to the left side of your mouth and try with all of your might not to make a disgusted face as it rolls over your tastebuds... OH CRAP! You realize at this point in time that you've not been doing something that is incredibly important!! You have not been swallowing your saliva in the desperate attempt to not taste the food in your mouth. You begin to panic as you fumble for your napkin and you feel the drool running down your chin. You quickly put the napkin up to catch the drool, and of course he's seen ALL of it cause he's still winning the staring contest!
With the last ounce of willpower you have you start to swallow the, now mush, in your mouth. He smiles at you and he's got a piece of food the size of TEXAS in his teeth and the sight just happens to be the funniest thing you've seen in your life and you laugh out loud, thus spitting the food out all over the table! "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" you exclaim still laughing uncontrollably. How embarassing! Also, this is a pretty good sign that this will be the ONLY date you'll have...that is unless he has a weird sense of humor like you do!
Another thing I have done that embarassed me was downhill skiing. It was my first time skiing EVER, and it's a very strange feeling. You get the ski boots on, and they are heavy! Then you attach them to incredibly long pieces of wood and it can be pretty comical seeing someone try this out for the first time. I am sure some people got a good giggle out of watching me my first time. I can't stay upright in the dang things! As soon as I try to move the skis cross over eachother in the front and I fall over. And when you fall, how the heck are you supposed to get back up?! I mean I am uncoordinated WITHOUT the dang skis on, how does anyone expect me to be able to function with 500 extra feet on both ends of my actual foot?! So, I finally start to get the hang of standing in the skis and decide it's time to go down a hill! The "bunny" hill that is! Yeah, it's the hill that is super tiny and all of the children are on it. It's the hill that they made specifically for kids, in fact. You hold on to a rope that is operating on a pulley system and it tugs you to the top of the "bunny" slope. Yes, they want you to grab ahold of a moving object with gloves on, and also be able to hold onto your ski poles! So, I grab ahold of the rope and I start to go up this hill...about half way up the hill my skis cross in the front and I fall over! Well, guess what?! I am NOT the only person holding onto the rope! Everyone behind me then starts falling over me because I am laying in the way...it's like a chain reaction of falling skiers and I started it! I somehow manage to wiggle my way out of the way and slide down the hill on my hind end because goodness knows, I am not going to be able to stand up on the hill in the skis!
So, I get to the bottom, get in an upright position, and after I am fairly certain that people have stopped looking at me after the incident, I decide to try again. I tuck the ski poles under my right arm and reach for the rope with my left hand. TUG, and I am on my way to the top of the bunny hill! I focus and keep my skiis from crossing and manage to get to the top of the tiny hill. After falling down a couple times trying to turn around at the top of the hill, I finally am in position to go down the hill. I see all of these BABIES on skiis just going down like professionals! I half expect some of them to do a somersault in the air or something! WHATEVER, I can go down this hill! They are children...what am I waiting for?! So, I go. Everything is going fine and I get to the bottom of the hill without falling and I coast to a nice stop. Well, I feel like I can conquer the world after this! With my new found invincibility I decide I can go on the "big people" hill...you know...the one that takes an actual ski lift to get to the top! Ski lifts...those are a whole other topic, but let me just say this...they are TERRIFYING! You know what? This is MY blog, and I will talk about them right now! So, these little benches go around and around and skiers sit down on them and are "lifted" to the top of the hill and obviously go down the hill from there. To optimize the number of people getting to the top of the hill, they have these benches spaced out about 10 inches apart from eachother!! No joke! Also, they are going about 50 miles per hour! So, there I am, barely able to stand on the dang skis and I am trying to time things just right so I can get on the ski lift. I manage to step in front of the seat and hang on for dear life as it scoops me up and dang near tosses me right out of it! Anyway, as I am nearing the top of the hill a whole new crisis enters my life...HOW DO I GET OFF OF THIS THING!?!? I carefully watch the few people on benches in front of me simply and in a carefree manner, just go from a seated position to standing and with ease slide off to the side and prepare for their descent. Realizing that I no longer want to do this, I start to panic and somehow manage to fall off of the seat at the top of the hill, of course not landing on my feet and therefore, tripping other people who are getting off of the ski lift. After being mauled by skis and snowboards and getting 10 million of the nastiest looks I've ever had in my life, I manage to work my way over to the side. After getting up on my skis I turn and look down the hill. WHAT THE HECK?!?!? Is this the top of MOUNT EVEREST?!? When did this hill become a mountain!?! Oh my goodness...now panic is truly setting in, and I am seriously regretting even coming up here... All I know is that I do NOT want to go down this hill anymore! What was I thinking?! Then I look to my right and some little 10 year old kid looks at me and grins and takes off down the hill. Great, I think to myself as I am probably the only adult up here that is terrified to the point of tears. I get myself turned so I am facing the hill and I am just trying to work up the courage to go and some idiot bumps into me! I start careening down the hill at 200 miles per hour and I am screaming at the top of my lungs! I am certain that I am about to die, but then, I realize, I am doing a pretty good job! I haven't fallen yet, and I am dodging little bumps and little kids that have fallen...yes! I can make it to the bottom of this hill! As I am nearing the bottom and I am seeing all of these people stop at the bottom of the hill, a whole new terror fills my heart and mind... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP!!!! My senseless screaming now has meaning as I put words to it... "MOVE!!! GET OUT OF THE WAY!!! I CAN'T STOP!!!", I scream at the people below. I am going a LOT faster on this hill than on the bunny slope...and I am terrified! After several near collisions with many different people, I finally come to a stop...and then I fall over! So embarassing!
Another thing I have done is I'll be driving down the road, music blaring, and I am singing at the top of my lungs! I am jamming and I come to a stop light. I continue singing, not quite as loud, but still singing nonetheless, and I look over and realize that my window is down a little bit. And with how noise carries, my window might as well have been down ALL THE WAY! In fact, I could have just been driving around with all four windows down completely because of all the looks I was getting. Wishing I could shrink down to the size of a molecule and float away, I just turned 10 shades of red and turned my music down and I could feel all of the eyes on me. Looking straight ahead, I could feel my face getting warmer. My gosh, why the heck is this the longest light in all of eternity?! I sit there for what feels like a year and the light finally turns green. I start driving again, and OMG..it's MY FAVORITE SONG!!! I turn the volume up and start jamming again, forgetting that my window is down a little bit (yeah, I have those crank windows, the ones you have to put up and down yourself, I don't have the luxury of power windows), wash, rinse, repeat...I get to the next stop light, and what do you know? Same group of people just heard the live performance from yours truly again!... SO EMBARASSING!
Something else that happens to me more often than I think is necessary is on days when I just do NOT care what I look like. I just rolled out of bed, tossed on some jeans and an old t-shirt, pulled my hair up into a weird looking pony tail, wiped the eye liner off that was below my eyes, put on my glasses and had every intention of just lazing around the house, but we needed something at the store. Gosh dang it! I don't feel like getting all gussied up just to go to the store. So, I grab my purse, and head to the store. Heck, I only need like two things, I'll be in and out, no worries. Well, I kid you not...every single time I go to the store looking like that and with that mentality, I just happen to run into EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT I KNOW! What the heck?! I look like this, and they all look like they just stepped out of a magazine, and there they are...and here I am. So embarassing!
One other thing I do that embarasses me is if I am walking through a store or a crowd of people or something, and I see someone waving at me. They are quite far away, and I can't tell who it is. I get a little bit closer, and they keep waving at me. I smile and wave back, still not sure who they are, but obviously they know me, and I don't want to be rude and not wave back. So, I get up to them, and that is NOT a face I recognize AT ALL. Who is this person, that apparently knows who I am? I smile as I get near them, and they are looking behind me. Sheepishly, I turn around and there is the person they were ACTUALLY waving to... oh wow...and I am sure that everyone else in the world saw me do that... I hang my head and walk on.
Well, that's all for this blog. If anyone wants, you can respond to this blog with some things you do or have done that embarass you! Hope you all have a great day! Blog ya later!