Monday, January 2, 2012

Pets and the things they do...

In this blog I would like to discuss something that a lot (not everyone) of people have... Our beloved PETS!
Before I get into the blog, I would like to point out that if you switch the last two letters in "Pets" you get "PEST"!

Ok, here goes:

First we'll talk about dogs.  "Man's best friend". They are loyal, they are friendly, they can bring you up when you're down. Those are the things you know of dogs no matter who you are...but I am about to describe some things that only actual dog owners know and experience on a regular basis.

First of all, and it is no surprise, but most dogs LOVE to give kisses! They don't care what you look like, what you're doing, or what you've just done...they will kiss you no matter what!

You could have just woke up, your hair going in every direction, your makeup (if you're a woman, or an adventurous man) smeared all over your entire face, and the worst morning breath in the WHOLE WORLD, and that dog will still come up and lick you right on the mouth! You could even blow your dragon-butt smelling breath in their face, and they won't run away...they won't pass out from the stench...nope, they will look into your eyes, wag their little butts and give you kisses!
Dogs are sometimes notorious for doing what my family has dubbed "Sniper Tonguing"...this is when a dog is really close to your face, but not too close, and you may be talking, or perhaps you go to take a nice big yawn, and "SNIPE" you get a nice french kiss from your best bud. The dog does NOT care about what people care about at this particular instance, for example, what the dog has been doing with that tongue for the last hour. Those lovely festivities, which he just shared from his mouth to yours, may include the following:
-Drinking water (not so bad)
-Eating dog food (also not so bad)
-Licking their privates (pretty bad)
-Eating "tootsie rolls"-and no, I am not talking about the delicious chocolate treat, I am talking about cat droppings! (this is really bad!)
And they think nothing of it to just give you a quick kiss in the mouth, because they LOVE YOU!

Another things dogs like to do (and I know some people don't have this problem, but for those that do, you know where I am coming from), they like to jump up and give you hugs! My dog in particular, must just love to be up where I am, so she jumps up on me constantly. This is particularly fun when she has just come in from going potty outside! She comes in, and little do I know, she has walked through her own poop (don't tell me this has not happened to other people, I won't believe it!). And she IS SO EXCITED TO SEE ME!!!! So she jumps up and puts her paws on my shirt...yep, you guessed it, I am now sporting the dog poop smear on my shirt (didn't you know this style is all the rage?!).

Well, another thing that a lot of dogs are known for is their lovely gas...yeah, you've smelled it!! You can be laying on the couch, and all of the sudden, this odor envelops your senses, and you feel like you could fall over from the odious stench!
While I am sitting on the couch, minding my own business, and the dog is laying next to me, she then proceeds to do something that I swear she does on purpose! She will go to get off of the couch...with her front feet on the floor and her back end still on the couch, she will stretch and push her butt upward and let it rip RIGHT IN MY FACE! Why do I think she does this on purpose, you ask? Well, because she then looks back to see if I react to her "gift" to me. Of course I do... "Oh, LUNA!!!" I will say, and it's almost as if she is laughing at me.
Another thing she tends to do quite often is she will wake herself up with her own gasses. She'll be lying there in a sound sleep, and she'll pass a gas...(bear in mind, some of hers are very audible, too) she will smell it, wake right up, and look around the room...then she leans back toward her hind end and smells, as if to say, "Is that coming from MY butt?!", and I will look at her and say, "Yes, Luna, YOU did that!"
Dogs are truly special people, and I love them dearly, but sometimes they do the darndest things!

Now, on to cats: I have 4 of them myself, and boy is each one of them different from the other!!
Cats are here to be adored, and that's all there is to it! They don't care about much as long as they have food, water, litter, and a nice place to lay. Something that I have noticed about my cats is they are night owls!
Yeah, they sleep all day long, and then decide that oh, 1 or 2 in the morning is a wonderful time to run through the house and play!
What is incredibly fun, is to be asleep, and feel a cat spring boarding off of your chest! Yes, they tear through the house like they are on drugs, and they don't care what they use for a trampoline, be it the couch, my pillow, my FACE! Yes, I have actually had a cat leap onto my face and use it as a spring board. This does not feel good, friends.
Cats are there for you to admire...don't touch them unless they say you can!
Another thing about my cats (don't know if anyone else has this issue), but I am not allowed to go to the bathroom alone! Oh no...I have to have 4 chaperones escort me to the restroom! They watch me like little vultures, and if I even go toward the bathroom, there are 4 blurry patches of fur that speed past my legs, so they can get into the bathroom before I can shut the door. I guess they must know about some sort of bathroom monster that I don't, and they are protecting me. Either that or they just want to play with the toilet paper and lay in the sink!