Wednesday, May 23, 2012

My Ella's Lead Experience

My Ella’s Lead Experience

First off I’d like to express my thanks to Ella’s Lead for giving me the esteemed pleasure of being able to own their wonderful product.

That being said, I have a Boxer/Rottweiler mix (Luna) and she has two collars from Ella’s Lead.
The very first thing I noticed when I pulled the first one from the box is the craftsmanship, and that is VERY evident.
I could tell that a great deal of care and effort was put into the creation of this collar.
To put it simply: It was beautiful!

Shortly after receiving the second collar for Luna, we got a new puppy.
Murphy is an Irish Setter/Yellow Lab mix.
The two love to play together, and anyone who has had a puppy knows that they like to play rough. This brings me to my next point…Durability!
These collars are made to last. Again, if you’ve ever had a puppy you know about the needle-like teeth and their desire to bite and or chew on anything they can get their mouths on.
Murphy bites and scratches at Luna’s collar and it still looks as good as it did the day I got it!
Also, dogs do get itches on their necks and the Ella’s Lead collar resists the repetitive scratching from Luna’s toenails.
A dog’s everyday life consists of a lot of play and these collars without a doubt stand the test of time!

Once Murphy gets a little bigger, we will most definitely be investing in an Ella’s Lead collar of his very own.

Another thing I’d like to mention is the website.
It’s very easy to navigate through and I was able to find exactly what I wanted with no problems. They also give good instruction on how to measure your pet's neck to be sure that the collar is a perfect fit!
When the collars arrived, they had clearly been packaged nicely. They are wrapped in tissue paper and definitely handled with care.

If I were to rank the quality, durability, craftsmanship, beauty, and handling on a scale of 1-10 (10 being the best), I’d without a doubt give each one of those an 11!!

Would I recommend Ella’s Lead to friends, family, even strangers at the dog park and dog groomer shop?!  You bet I would!!!
I wouldn’t just simply recommend them, I would HIGHLY recommend them!

Want to spoil your 4-legged babies?
Get them an Ella’s Lead Collar!!
(Next I am going to try the cat collars and the leads for the dogs! I don’t doubt they will be equally wonderful!)

Please, check them out at !!! You won't regret it!!! I know I don't!

Monday, January 2, 2012

Pets and the things they do...

In this blog I would like to discuss something that a lot (not everyone) of people have... Our beloved PETS!
Before I get into the blog, I would like to point out that if you switch the last two letters in "Pets" you get "PEST"!

Ok, here goes:

First we'll talk about dogs.  "Man's best friend". They are loyal, they are friendly, they can bring you up when you're down. Those are the things you know of dogs no matter who you are...but I am about to describe some things that only actual dog owners know and experience on a regular basis.

First of all, and it is no surprise, but most dogs LOVE to give kisses! They don't care what you look like, what you're doing, or what you've just done...they will kiss you no matter what!

You could have just woke up, your hair going in every direction, your makeup (if you're a woman, or an adventurous man) smeared all over your entire face, and the worst morning breath in the WHOLE WORLD, and that dog will still come up and lick you right on the mouth! You could even blow your dragon-butt smelling breath in their face, and they won't run away...they won't pass out from the stench...nope, they will look into your eyes, wag their little butts and give you kisses!
Dogs are sometimes notorious for doing what my family has dubbed "Sniper Tonguing"...this is when a dog is really close to your face, but not too close, and you may be talking, or perhaps you go to take a nice big yawn, and "SNIPE" you get a nice french kiss from your best bud. The dog does NOT care about what people care about at this particular instance, for example, what the dog has been doing with that tongue for the last hour. Those lovely festivities, which he just shared from his mouth to yours, may include the following:
-Drinking water (not so bad)
-Eating dog food (also not so bad)
-Licking their privates (pretty bad)
-Eating "tootsie rolls"-and no, I am not talking about the delicious chocolate treat, I am talking about cat droppings! (this is really bad!)
And they think nothing of it to just give you a quick kiss in the mouth, because they LOVE YOU!

Another things dogs like to do (and I know some people don't have this problem, but for those that do, you know where I am coming from), they like to jump up and give you hugs! My dog in particular, must just love to be up where I am, so she jumps up on me constantly. This is particularly fun when she has just come in from going potty outside! She comes in, and little do I know, she has walked through her own poop (don't tell me this has not happened to other people, I won't believe it!). And she IS SO EXCITED TO SEE ME!!!! So she jumps up and puts her paws on my shirt...yep, you guessed it, I am now sporting the dog poop smear on my shirt (didn't you know this style is all the rage?!).

Well, another thing that a lot of dogs are known for is their lovely gas...yeah, you've smelled it!! You can be laying on the couch, and all of the sudden, this odor envelops your senses, and you feel like you could fall over from the odious stench!
While I am sitting on the couch, minding my own business, and the dog is laying next to me, she then proceeds to do something that I swear she does on purpose! She will go to get off of the couch...with her front feet on the floor and her back end still on the couch, she will stretch and push her butt upward and let it rip RIGHT IN MY FACE! Why do I think she does this on purpose, you ask? Well, because she then looks back to see if I react to her "gift" to me. Of course I do... "Oh, LUNA!!!" I will say, and it's almost as if she is laughing at me.
Another thing she tends to do quite often is she will wake herself up with her own gasses. She'll be lying there in a sound sleep, and she'll pass a gas...(bear in mind, some of hers are very audible, too) she will smell it, wake right up, and look around the room...then she leans back toward her hind end and smells, as if to say, "Is that coming from MY butt?!", and I will look at her and say, "Yes, Luna, YOU did that!"
Dogs are truly special people, and I love them dearly, but sometimes they do the darndest things!

Now, on to cats: I have 4 of them myself, and boy is each one of them different from the other!!
Cats are here to be adored, and that's all there is to it! They don't care about much as long as they have food, water, litter, and a nice place to lay. Something that I have noticed about my cats is they are night owls!
Yeah, they sleep all day long, and then decide that oh, 1 or 2 in the morning is a wonderful time to run through the house and play!
What is incredibly fun, is to be asleep, and feel a cat spring boarding off of your chest! Yes, they tear through the house like they are on drugs, and they don't care what they use for a trampoline, be it the couch, my pillow, my FACE! Yes, I have actually had a cat leap onto my face and use it as a spring board. This does not feel good, friends.
Cats are there for you to admire...don't touch them unless they say you can!
Another thing about my cats (don't know if anyone else has this issue), but I am not allowed to go to the bathroom alone! Oh no...I have to have 4 chaperones escort me to the restroom! They watch me like little vultures, and if I even go toward the bathroom, there are 4 blurry patches of fur that speed past my legs, so they can get into the bathroom before I can shut the door. I guess they must know about some sort of bathroom monster that I don't, and they are protecting me. Either that or they just want to play with the toilet paper and lay in the sink!

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Things I do that embarass me...

I am sure that I am not the only person that is an expert at embarassing myself...I am sure there are others out least I HOPE there are others out there that have done some of the things I am about to describe.

One thing I do, and it's not too embarassing if I am by myself, but still makes me hang my head in shame, is turn the radio down at the drive-up ATM machine. I know I am not the only person who does this! But sure enough, when I pull up to the ATM, I reach over and turn the volume all the way down. WHAT?! Don't judge me!! Maybe the ATM machine was having a bad day and wanted someone to talk to about it...I wouldn't have been able to hear it with my music up now, would I?!?

Another thing I tend to do more often than some is trip on air. I know for a fact I am not the only one, but that doesn't make it any less embarassing! I can just be walking along, shoes tied, not even chewing gum, and the air sticks it's foot out and trips me! It wouldn't be so bad, but I always get tripped by the air in the most embarassing places...for instance walking into the store. I am walking along, tra-la-la-la, and there just happen to be 50 people walking in right behind me, and there's that invisible foot! "WHOOOP" I exclaim as I dang near fall on my face...then of course I look behind me and scowl as if one of the people behind me tried to trip me. (This doesn't work folks if the closest person to you is 10 feet away from you!!!) So, then I just hope that no one saw it and continue on. You can never get that lucky, by the way...everyone in the WORLD saw you do it, and they are going to be laughing AT you for the rest of the day!

I know I am not the only one who has been in this situation either, but picture this... you're sitting in a nice restaurant with a guy your friend set you up with, and the waiter brings out a plate with some appetizers. They look delicious! It looks like a snack you'd never make for yourself, but it looks good. So you pick up one of the delicious smelling morsels, and since you're so sure it's going to taste good, you don't bother taking a little, you put the whole thing in your mouth. BIG MISTAKE FOLKS!!
Just because it looks mouth-wateringly scrumptious, does NOT always mean it will be! Now you've got a mouth full of the nastiest food you've ever tasted! What are you supposed to do?! The guy sitting across from you at the table decides that this is THE moment that he wants to have a staring contest with you. "How do you like it?" he asks lovingly, not taking his eyes off of you, thus making it impossible to spit the atrocity in your mouth out into your napkin! You just nod your head and try desperately not to close your mouth all the way because if you do, the taste will envelope all of your tastebuds.
So the nastiness is sitting on the tip of your tongue and you wish with all of your might that he will look away for just ONE FREAKING SECOND, but he just won't! So somehow you manage to smile at him without closing your lips. How that's possible? Who knows?! He smiles back and refuses to look away. At this point your jaw is beyond exhausted and you know that you're either going to have to chew and swallow the gross, now incredibly soggy, mound of nastiness in your mouth or have to have corrective surgery on your jaw because of the obscure position you have locked your mouth in to avoid tasting the foulness in it's completeness.
You shift it over to the left side of your mouth and try with all of your might not to make a disgusted face as it rolls over your tastebuds... OH CRAP! You realize at this point in time that you've not been doing something that is incredibly important!! You have not been swallowing your saliva in the desperate attempt to not taste the food in your mouth. You begin to panic as you fumble for your napkin and you feel the drool running down your chin. You quickly put the napkin up to catch the drool, and of course he's seen ALL of it cause he's still winning the staring contest!
With the last ounce of willpower you have you start to swallow the, now mush, in your mouth. He smiles at you and he's got a piece of food the size of TEXAS in his teeth and the sight just happens to be the funniest thing you've seen in your life and you laugh out loud, thus spitting the food out all over the table! "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry!" you exclaim still laughing uncontrollably. How embarassing! Also, this is a pretty good sign that this will be the ONLY date you'll have...that is unless he has a weird sense of humor like you do!

Another thing I have done that embarassed me was downhill skiing. It was my first time skiing EVER, and it's a very strange feeling. You get the ski boots on, and they are heavy! Then you attach them to incredibly long pieces of wood and it can be pretty comical seeing someone try this out for the first time. I am sure some people got a good giggle out of watching me my first time. I can't stay upright in the dang things! As soon as I try to move the skis cross over eachother in the front and I fall over. And when you fall, how the heck are you supposed to get back up?! I mean I am uncoordinated WITHOUT the dang skis on, how does anyone expect me to be able to function with 500 extra feet on both ends of my actual foot?! So, I finally start to get the hang of standing in the skis and decide it's time to go down a hill! The "bunny" hill that is! Yeah, it's the hill that is super tiny and all of the children are on it. It's the hill that they made specifically for kids, in fact. You hold on to a rope that is operating on a pulley system and it tugs you to the top of the "bunny" slope. Yes, they want you to grab ahold of a moving object with gloves on, and also be able to hold onto your ski poles! So, I grab ahold of the rope and I start to go up this hill...about half way up the hill my skis cross in the front and I fall over! Well, guess what?! I am NOT the only person holding onto the rope! Everyone behind me then starts falling over me because I am laying in the's like a chain reaction of falling skiers and I started it! I somehow manage to wiggle my way out of the way and slide down the hill on my hind end because goodness knows, I am not going to be able to stand up on the hill in the skis!
So, I get to the bottom, get in an upright position, and after I am fairly certain that people have stopped looking at me after the incident, I decide to try again. I tuck the ski poles under my right arm and reach for the rope with my left hand. TUG, and I am on my way to the top of the bunny hill! I focus and keep my skiis from crossing and manage to get to the top of the tiny hill. After falling down a couple times trying to turn around at the top of the hill, I finally am in position to go down the hill. I see all of these BABIES on skiis just going down like professionals! I half expect some of them to do a somersault in the air or something! WHATEVER, I can go down this hill! They are children...what am I waiting for?! So, I go. Everything is going fine and I get to the bottom of the hill without falling and I coast to a nice stop. Well, I feel like I can conquer the world after this! With my new found invincibility I decide I can go on the "big people" know...the one that takes an actual ski lift to get to the top! Ski lifts...those are a whole other topic, but let me just say this...they are TERRIFYING! You know what? This is MY blog, and I will talk about them right now! So, these little benches go around and around and skiers sit down on them and are "lifted" to the top of the hill and obviously go down the hill from there. To optimize the number of people getting to the top of the hill, they have these benches spaced out about 10 inches apart from eachother!! No joke! Also, they are going about 50 miles per hour! So, there I am, barely able to stand on the dang skis and I am trying to time things just right so I can get on the ski lift. I manage to step in front of the seat and hang on for dear life as it scoops me up and dang near tosses me right out of it! Anyway, as I am nearing the top of the hill a whole new crisis enters my life...HOW DO I GET OFF OF THIS THING!?!? I carefully watch the few people on benches in front of me simply and in a carefree manner, just go from a seated position to standing and with ease slide off to the side and prepare for their descent. Realizing that I no longer want to do this, I start to panic and somehow manage to fall off of the seat at the top of the hill, of course not landing on my feet and therefore, tripping other people who are getting off of the ski lift. After being mauled by skis and snowboards and getting 10 million of the nastiest looks I've ever had in my life, I manage to work my way over to the side. After getting up on my skis I turn and look down the hill. WHAT THE HECK?!?!? Is this the top of MOUNT EVEREST?!? When did this hill become a mountain!?! Oh my panic is truly setting in, and I am seriously regretting even coming up here... All I know is that I do NOT want to go down this hill anymore! What was I thinking?! Then I look to my right and some little 10 year old kid looks at me and grins and takes off down the hill. Great, I think to myself as I am probably the only adult up here that is terrified to the point of tears. I get myself turned so I am facing the hill and I am just trying to work up the courage to go and some idiot bumps into me! I start careening down the hill at 200 miles per hour and I am screaming at the top of my lungs! I am certain that I am about to die, but then, I realize, I am doing a pretty good job! I haven't fallen yet, and I am dodging little bumps and little kids that have fallen...yes! I can make it to the bottom of this hill! As I am nearing the bottom and I am seeing all of these people stop at the bottom of the hill, a whole new terror fills my heart and mind... I DON'T KNOW HOW TO STOP!!!! My senseless screaming now has meaning as I put words to it... "MOVE!!! GET OUT OF THE WAY!!! I CAN'T STOP!!!", I scream at the people below. I am going a LOT faster on this hill than on the bunny slope...and I am terrified! After several near collisions with many different people, I finally come to a stop...and then I fall over! So embarassing!

Another thing I have done is I'll be driving down the road, music blaring, and I am singing at the top of my lungs! I am jamming and I come to a stop light. I continue singing, not quite as loud, but still singing nonetheless, and I look over and realize that my window is down a little bit. And with how noise carries, my window might as well have been down ALL THE WAY! In fact, I could have just been driving around with all four windows down completely because of all the looks I was getting. Wishing I could shrink down to the size of a molecule and float away, I just turned 10 shades of red and turned my music down and I could feel all of the eyes on me. Looking straight ahead, I could feel my face getting warmer. My gosh, why the heck is this the longest light in all of eternity?! I sit there for what feels like a year and the light finally turns green. I start driving again, and's MY FAVORITE SONG!!! I turn the volume up and start jamming again, forgetting that my window is down a little bit (yeah, I have those crank windows, the ones you have to put up and down yourself, I don't have the luxury of power windows), wash, rinse, repeat...I get to the next stop light, and what do you know? Same group of people just heard the live performance from yours truly again!... SO EMBARASSING!

Something else that happens to me more often than I think is necessary is on days when I just do NOT care what I look like. I just rolled out of bed, tossed on some jeans and an old t-shirt, pulled my hair up into a weird looking pony tail, wiped the eye liner off that was below my eyes, put on my glasses and had every intention of just lazing around the house, but we needed something at the store. Gosh dang it! I don't feel like getting all gussied up just to go to the store. So, I grab my purse, and head to the store. Heck, I only need like two things, I'll be in and out, no worries. Well, I kid you not...every single time I go to the store looking like that and with that mentality, I just happen to run into EVERY SINGLE PERSON THAT I KNOW! What the heck?! I look like this, and they all look like they just stepped out of a magazine, and there they are...and here I am. So embarassing!

One other thing I do that embarasses me is if I am walking through a store or a crowd of people or something, and I see someone waving at me. They are quite far away, and I can't tell who it is. I get a little bit closer, and they keep waving at me. I smile and wave back, still not sure who they are, but obviously they know me, and I don't want to be rude and not wave back. So, I get up to them, and that is NOT a face I recognize AT ALL. Who is this person, that apparently knows who I am? I smile as I get near them, and they are looking behind me. Sheepishly, I turn around and there is the person they were ACTUALLY waving to... oh wow...and I am sure that everyone else in the world saw me do that... I hang my head and walk on.

Well, that's all for this blog. If anyone wants, you can respond to this blog with some things you do or have done that embarass you! Hope you all have a great day! Blog ya later!

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

What the HECK!?!?

There are many things that happen that make me say/and or think to myself, "WHAT THE HECK?!?!?!"

For instance, when using a public restroom, I walk into the stall, shut the door, turn around and look, and "What do you know?", the last person didn't feel it was necessary to flush their excrement down the toilet!!! What the heck?!?! That's so disgusting! Would you leave floaters in your own toilet at home?! What gave them the idea that it is ok to leave that in a toilet that many people will use throughout the day?! Would they leave a surprise like that for a guest in their own home?! I don't think so!!!
Another toilet issue I come across from time to time (WAY more often than I think is even remotely right) is PEE ON THE TOILET SEAT! What the heck?!?! Were they trying to "hover" over the toilet seat so as to not have to actually put their hind end on the toilet seat, thus peeing ALL OVER THE SEAT?! Were they peeing in a cup, perhaps, and then when they went to pour it into the toilet decided, "Hmm...let me pour this all over the seat instead, it will be a lovely surprise for the next user of this stall."  Or maybe they just didn't wipe and when they went to stand up they dripped pee all over the seat...who knows?! Bottom line is this...WIPE IT OFF! It's your bodily function...NOT MINE! And I do not, under any circumstances want to sit in someone elses urine! Nor do I think it should be my responsibility to clean the toilet before I use it! It has happened to me a couple of times, when I had to go SO bad, I was about to wet myself, and I didn't have time to look at the seat before I sat down...big mistake folks! Because EVERY time that happens to me, I sit down and sure enough...someone decided to have target practice with the toilet, and I just sat in their inaccurate aim!!!!! There is nothing that can be done at this point. The damage has already been done...all I can do is make sure to take a very thorough shower as soon as I get home! Also...don't you just HATE the toilets that flush automatically? (I mean, how lazy are we, really?!) Sure it is kinda nice, especially for the people that I mentioned at the beginning of this blog...the ones who feel they are above and beyond those of us who flush...
Automatic flushers...*sigh*...There are a few different instances that occur with these kinds of toilets...for instance, the kind that are WAY TOO POWERFUL! You know? The ones that practically suck you into the toilet before you get a chance to stand up all the way! You feel the suction on your hind end and you grab ahold of the little hook on the door and try to keep yourself from being flushed down the toilet! It's insane! Those are the loudest ones sounds like there is a hurricane/tornado/thunderstorm right by your butt as soon as you stand  up!!  It's sort of terrifying! 
You better hope that you don't have to take off a coat, or do much of anything before you sit down with an automatic toilet...the reason is this: If they sense movement...well...they FLUSH! So, let's say you took your coat off, hung it on the hook, got your bottoms pulled down, and your hind end is about to hit the toilet seat...well at this very moment, the toilet is sure that you are finished and have just stood it flushes, and at this point you are already sitting and nothing can be done, and you get a soaked hind end! Dang automatic toilets! This can also be an issue when you are finished and you are putting your coat back on...the toilet thinks, "Oh, another person is done!" and flushes, thus spitting toilet bowl water ALL OVER YOUR LEGS! Lovely... ah the wonderful technology that allows us to not have to manually flush the toilets.
I mean, what brought these toilets to be? Did someone break their hand while trying to flush the toilet? Did someone fall in the toilet while trying to reach back and manually push on the lever to flush the toilet?! I mean, really, it wasn't that difficult to flush the toilet...but apparently, it was a huge inconvenience for someone...

Now I am going to discuss some things about movie theaters... Well, my sister and I pride ourselves in being the FIRST ones into the theater so we can get our favorite seats! All the way at the top + the two seats RIGHT IN THE CENTER of the row = PERFECTION! Well, we know it's going to be a crappy experience and our whole lives are about to crumble to pieces when we get to our seats and one of them is broken!!! Couple of questions here... "WHO, WHAT, WHY, WHEN, HOW do you break a seat in the theater?!?!" I mean, what the heck?!?!?! Was someone jumping on the seat? Was someone so incredibly excited about the movie that they were bouncing up and down on the seat and broke it?! How?!
Anyway, so we have to move down a few seats from the center (thus making this a less than perfect experience) and we sit down. Ok, whatever...this is still going to be an enjoyable experience...or so we think. That is until the next couple of people who come into the theater just happen to be the TALLEST PEOPLE IN FORT WAYNE, INDIANA!!!! And would you believe it?! No, you probably can't, but the seats that they just happen to choose are the seats directly in front of us!!! No kidding! So, now apart from not having our perfect center seats we now have Jolly Green and Mrs. Jolly Green GIANTS sitting in front of us!
So, we decide to move. We move over a few more seats (moving even farther away from perfection) and we sit down. At least this way there won't be two heads "starring" in the movie we are about to watch.
Well, it's a small crowd (this movie has been in theaters for quite a while now) and there are empty seats EVERYWHERE! Aside from us, and the giants there are about 5 other people in the whole theater...and in walk the dreaded group of teenage kids! Yeah, you all know them! The ones that talk through the WHOLE MOVIE! Yep, there they are...great. And guess what?! It might as well have been a sold out theater because even though there are empty seats all over the place, the seats that they choose are RIGHT NEXT TO US! Come on!!! REALLY?!?! So, here I am...sitting right next to a stranger and her boyfriend and her friend, and her friend's boyfriend and some other dude (the 5th wheel, maybe?). I can already tell this is going to be a horrible experience for me because the "couples" next to me have already begun to think that they just checked into a motel room instead of entered a movie theater! That's right, they already have their tongues down eachother's throats and are giggling and talking and being loud and obnoxious. WHAT THE HECK!?
I just look at my sister, roll my eyes, and just hope that I don't have to beat anyone senseless before the end of the movie. So, I am watching the movie and all I can hear is "Sluuuurp, suuuuckie, slurrrrrp"(yeah, those are my kissing noises)... Yeah, I am pretty dang sure I didn't come to a porno movie...funny...that's all I am hearing...I am also pretty sure I didn't pay $12.50 for a ticket to listen to this crap! They are LUCKY the movie is ending because I am on the verge of beating someone's face in at this point!!! Just because these kids have rich mommy's and daddy's that pay for their hotel passes...I mean MOVIE passes, doesn't mean that people who actually EARN a living and pay good money to actually WATCH the movie don't want to enjoy them!!! $12.50 might not seem like a lot of money to someone who has it handed to them, but when you have to calculate your income then subtract actual bills, and are fortunate that there is $12.50 left to enjoy a movie...well, then $12.50 is a LOT!
That brings me to another issue...if you're going to a movie on a budget...forget snacks, unless you have some limbs to spare!!! "I'll have a large popcorn and a large drink, please". "Ok, that will be $1,056.99. Will that be cash or credit? If you don't have the funds for this, we have these applications for credit cards, we will need you to fill this out and if you are approved, you can purchase these items. OR, you can pay $10.00 and give us one finger, a toe, and an earlobe!"
What the HECK!? Since when was it ok to practically rob people who are trying to do something outside of the house?! I remember when movies were .50 cents and snacks were cheap you pay almost $13.00 just to watch it and if you want the delicious snacks you have to pay with your first born child!! Crazy times we are living in, I swear!!!

Anyway...I think that's enough for this blog...I'll blog ya later!!! :D

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Mouth full?? Oh! Well, answer this!!

How many of you have ever been to a restaurant? No, not drive-thru, not even fast food, I am talking about a good ol' fashioned sit down restaurant. I am sure everyone has been to one at some point in their lives.

Anyway, I am going to type about a few things that just drive me bonkers at a restaurant. First thing you do, obviously, is walk in...and if you're lucky (which usually I am not) you don't have to wait to be seated. Don't get me wrong, I'd almost prefer to have to wait to be seated because then they know you're there. It only happened to me once, and I will never forget it, but I walked into a restaurant and it seemed like it was busy enough that I shouldn't have been able to seat myself, but the sign said, "Please seat yourself", so, I did.
I found a table and me and my friend sat down. We waited...talked for a bit, and waited... Waiters and waitresses kept passing our table and I was sure that one of them was going to stop, but they didn't. So after about 10 minutes of waiting, I stopped one of them. "Excuse me", I said, "Can we get some service?"
"OH MY GOODNESS! You haven't been waited on?!" he asked. "" I replied. (Does it look like we've been waited on??? The silverware is still rolled up in the napkin, we have no food, not even drinks on this table...duh genius!) "I am sorry! Let me...get your waiter."
REALLY?! I mean, I know they are assigned to tables and whatnot, but can't they help eachother out?? I mean, couldn't that person have at least gotten us a drink?!?
So we wait a few more minutes and finally our waiter shows I am generally a calm and nice person, but if you make me wait 10 minutes before even acknowledging my existence and then you come over to my table and talk to me and treat me like I just ruined your ENTIRE LIFE, well, I am not going to be happy about it!! Don't get me wrong, I know and understand that in every single person's life they are bound to have a bad day here and there. Totally understandable...but what is NOT understandable or acceptable is taking your bad day out on the people who are there to provide YOUR paycheck!!!
We got horrible service that visit, so they got a tiny tip. That's how I work. I am a good tipper. I really understand and appreciate people in "customer service-like" positions. Treat me well and I'll return the favor. Not a "people-person"? You're in the wrong line of work, buddy!

Anyway, some classic annoyances in a sit down restaurant...
Let's say you're out with 3 buddies. You get seated and your server comes and takes your drink order. Two of you order DIET coke and the other two order regular coke. Your server brings your drinks and let me tell you, it is quite a shock to the taste buds when you go to take a nice big gulp of regular coke and they accidentally gave you your friends diet coke!!!
So, since we are friends, we just keep our straws and switch glasses. That problem solved.
So we wait, just sipping on our beverages and chatting and our server comes back to take our orders.
We order our meals, then continue chatting. After about 15 minutes, here comes our food. It looks delicious!! The server sets it down in front of us and asks if we're alright. At this point I am about to start drooling all over the table because I am hungry and the food looks so good. "We're fine" I say to him as I place my napkin in my lap and pick up my fork in preparation to dig in!
So he walks away and we all start eating. The food is great! But then something happens that I am sure has happened to EVERYONE...
I just stuck a forkful of food into my mouth and out of thin air, our server appears!!
"How is everything?!" he asks with a grin.
What the heck dude!!!???!!! Did you not just see me shove a bunch of food into my mouth?! And now you want to come and talk? Couldn't you have waited until you saw I wasn't chewing? Of course not!!
I swear they do this on purpose because it happens frequently!
So, you have a few options here...
1. You can hold up a finger, finish chewing, swallow, and say "Everything's fine". OR
2. You could do the "Everything is fine" nod, where you continue to chew, look up at them and give a little grin (you could even throw in a 'thumbs-up' gesture at this time) OR
3. You could forget all of your manners and, with food falling out of your face, say, "It's good". Thus spitting food all over the place! (serves them right for asking you in mid-chew to talk!)

If you want to avoid that uncomfortable situation altogether, you can do what I do. Yeah, it's kinda like spying, so you can make a game of it. It's called, "Where is the server?!" It is where you keep the server or at least attempt to keep the server in your eyesight at ALL TIMES! Then you eat comfortably as long as they are in your sight and are a safe distance from your table. Yep, I like to play it safe when I am eating in a restaurant.
But I am sure all of the servers stand there behind the wall..."OH! Guy at table 5 just took a huge bite! MOVING IN!!" Then "Tra-la-la-la" they come skipping out to your table and ask you the dreaded question.

Speaking of servers, there are two different kinds: The ones that are NEVER THERE and the ones you wish would GO AWAY!

The 'never there' ones never really come to your table except to take your order, give you your food, and take your payment. So you're outta luck if you are out of your beverage and are parched or just ate something spicy, cause little did you know, your server is a magician!!! Yep, he made himself disappear!

Well, then there's the extreme opposite server...he's the one that you wish would leave you alone to eat in peace. He's the one that practically sits down at your table with you and asks for a detailed play-by-play and description of each bite you take! He's the one that you learn the whole life story of. He's the one that could walk out of the restaurant with you when you leave and you'd think nothing of it because it felt like you just had a meal together.
I know that's all bad stuff, but at least you'll never be without a constant beverage and if you need extra napkins, no problem!...since your server is right there in your pocket!!!

I don't think I need to mention much about food being too hot, or too cold, or not done enough...we have all run into that a time or two I am sure. It's annoying!

A little off topic, but still sort of on topic, is something that takes place at the dentist office...
So, you get all seated in the chair and the hygienist comes in to check and clean your teeth before the dentist does. Something happened to me, and I will never forget it, I think I am scarred for life...but I was laying there and the lady had both of her hands in my mouth working on my teeth, but apparently she didn't notice (or didn't think it'd bother me) but while she was leaning over to reach into my mouth...her BOOB was resting on the side of my face!!!! NO JOKE! This is traumatizing for a young kid!! So, after that incredibly uncomfortable situation, in comes the dentist to look at my teeth. He doesn't say a word apart from, "How are you today?" and I respond, "I am alright."
Then he leans me back in the chair and begins looking at my teeth. After he has all of the tools that were laying on the little tray in my mouth along with his two hands, he decides he wants to have a conversation with me!!!! And no, he doesn't just ask simple "Yes" or "No" questions! He wants to learn all about my life!!! "How's your family doing?" he asks. "Oh, taoiehalkj, aogieaoig, goooo", I respond as clearly as I possibly can since I have the entire dentist office in my mouth!!! "Oh, really? That's good. What do you have planned for the summer?"
REALLY DUDE?!?! You can't just say, "So, your family is doing well?", then I could simply say, "Uh huh".
And why couldn't he ask these questions before he stuck the whole WORLD in my mouth?!?!?!

Geez...well...that's that for this blog. Take care all!!  Blog you later!! :D

Monday, April 4, 2011

Road Rage? What's that? I don't have ROAD RAGE!!!!!

I consider myself to be a pretty good driver. I've never been in any accidents that I have caused, and I've never had a speeding ticket. (Now that I have said that, I am probably going to get pulled over and then I'll rear-end someone after that because I'll be so flustered about being pulled over!)

Anywho, so let me just discuss a few things that get my blood boiling when I am behind the wheel...

Alright, now I know for a fact that I am not the only one who does the "Posted Speed Limit + 5 miles per hour = The Real Speed Limit" thing, so don't pretend that you don't! So, I'm cruising along at the "real speed limit" and people are passing me!! Yeah, I guess for some people the equation is, "Posted Speed Limit + 25 miles per hour = 'What I will drive until I see a cop car', then it will be 'Posted Speed Limit -5 miles per hour, until I am out of view of the cop car.'"

Anyway, most of us have made up our own speed limits, but one thing I canNOT stand, is when I am going 5 miles per hour over the posted speed limit and someone starts "riding me" like I am going slow or something!  GO AROUND ME!!!!! For crying out loud!! Push on your accelerator a little more and drive around me! Don't get so dangerously close to the back of my car with yours! And I love it, how they stare into YOUR rear view mirror, giving you the nastiest look like you are committing some sort of crime or something, and they are about to murder your first born child of you don't speed up. Well guess what, jerks?
That sort of attitude does NOT intimidate me! In fact, it infuriates me, and it doesn't make me want to go faster, no no no, it makes me want to go SLOWER! So, being the mature person that I am, I tap on the brakes...This drives them crazy! So their natural reaction is to do what they should have done in the first stinking place, and that is to DRIVE AROUND ME!

So, as they start to go around me, well, I do what I must do, and that is to speed back  up.
What?!?! They had every opportunity to just go around me, but did they?? NO! They decided to make this a war, not me! Well, they started a war that they're not going to win!
I never do let them pass me, why you ask? Because it's the principle of the matter, they could have done the right thing, but didn't.

So anyway, I get to my destination, and the shopping mall parking lot is complete chaos! I am driving up and down the aisles looking for a parking space, when all of the sudden some jerk who is not even paying attention starts to back out of a space and they almost hit my car! Do I honk at them? No! This is not Chicago or New York, so I back up a bit and sit there and give them the look of death (you know? The one where you are peering into their soul?) and I see them look toward my car and they clearly notice my car, but they always manage to avoid looking into my eyes that are burning with anger. They look around like nothing is wrong and nonchalantly back out of the space.  Well, I start to cool off a little bit, because at the very least I will get this decent parking space they are pulling out of.

Wait a minute...they are backing out towards my car and there's another car coming around from the other side...NO!!!!!! This is not happening to me!! Well, yes it is, that other car pulls into MY parking space and I am left sitting there feeling like my whole world is crashing down. So, I do what anyone else would do and I pull up behind the "Space Stealers" and I give them the look of death!! Not that it does much good, but at least I made my point and gave them something to talk about for about 10 minutes.

So, I keep driving around looking for a parking space and I get behind a group of about 8 teenagers, walking down the MIDDLE OF THE AISLE! I guess that the whole "Single File" walking in Kindergarten never stuck with them! I mean, SERIOUSLY! Get out of the middle of the freaking aisle way!!! It wouldn't be such a blood boiler if they weren't walking so dang slow!!
They'd be running if it were getting in line for tickets to a Justin Bieber concert, but now's not the time to show enthusiasm, nope, they are too cool to walk quickly. Some of them could probably walk faster if they'd pull their pants up! I mean, come on!! No one wants to see your underwear! Also, if God had intended for us to look like and walk like penguins, He wouldn't have given us two separate legs! No, He would have just stuck our feet to our butts and we'd be waddling everywhere. But we have two legs, and "pants" that are worn to keep those legs separate and fully able to function at a normal capacity, but hey, maybe they are all doing science projects on the lifestyle of a penguin and they are trying to "im-penguin-ate" them! Get it? Instead of "Impersonate"? lol! Oh dear...

Anyway, clothing choices, that's a whole other Blog...
Another parking lot issue I constantly run into "almost literally" sometimes, is shopping carts. Seriously people, there are these things in parking lots, big metal structures called "CART RETURNS"! When you're done with your cart, the carts are supposed to be placed in the cart return! Not left in the empty parking space next to yours! Because then that causes a lot of unnecessary stress and anger for people (like me) who are trying to find a parking space and find out that there's a shopping cart in the space!
It's about as frustrating as finding a motorcycle or a Smart Car in a space that you think is available. Put the cart away!! It's not that difficult! You just got done walking up and down every aisle in the store and you're telling me that you're too tired to walk another 10 feet to a cart return? Come on! What really chafes my hind end is when you see carts literally RIGHT NEXT TO THE CART RETURN!! Right next to it?? Come on people!! You're telling me that you couldn't push the cart another couple inches into the cart return?!
I can see it now, they just finished walking 3 miles through the store, they walk all the way out to their car which is parked very conveniently right next to a cart return, they load their groceries into their vehicle and are so beyond exhaustion at this point. They lack any and all motivation and if they take one more step, they might collapse due to the strenuous activities they had just partaken in. With the last ounce of strength and willpower, they push the card 1/2 inch and there it sits, right outside the cart return. Unable to carry on with the agony and stress anymore, they get into their vehicle and leave. Do they even realize or care what kind of "stress" and "agony" they are causing for other people? My guess is, they don't.
Anyway, so on the way home, I just hope that there are more normal drivers. I can't get that fortunate, who am I kidding?!

So, I am sitting in the right turn lane behind another car...Yes, our light is red, however, you can turn if you see that there are no other cars coming...does this guy turn? No...of course not. He sits there for a whole minute until we have a green light! No biggie, I can get over that, I guess. 

So, I am driving down the road and I get behind someone who is kind of swerving all over the road...wait a there even anyone driving this car?? I can't see a head over the this a runaway car?!?! What's going on here? And why is it having a hard time staying in it's lane?? I get up next to it, and see a "baby" driving the car! Yes, it's just a kid (teenagers who are old enough to drive anymore these days are looking younger and younger, before you know it, there's going to be a baby car seat in the driver's seat and that kid is going to be 16!...just wait!) So, they are barely able to see over the dashboard and they are driving all over the place, so I speed up to get past them.  I come to another stop light, and you know how I was complaining about the guy who wouldn't turn when he could, even though the light was red? Well, how about the people who don't go when the light is GREEN?! Yeah, those are great people...they are looking around, daydreaming...again, do I honk? Nah...I scream at them. "GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! COME ON MOVE!!! THE LIGHT IS GREEN!!!!  AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" I shout at the top of my lungs! Yeah, I know, they don't hear me, but I feel a little bit better about my life if I yell at people. See, I don't like confrontation, so if I yell at them from the comfort of my own car, and they can't hear me, it's better for me. So, I sit through another light because they realized at the very last second that the light was green, and they speed through the yellow light, and I have to wait!
Another thing that drives me crazy, when I am at a stoplight and the person or people in the car next to me is staring at me!!! What the heck?!?! Do I have something hanging off my face? Is there a space alien making faces at you from the backseat of my car?? Stop looking at me!! Keep your eyes ahead of you on the road! I hate it when people do this because you can "feel" their eyes on you!! It's so uncomfortable and you have to sit there and endure it until the light turns finally the light turns green and you try to get ahead of them. You think you are in the clear when you come to another red light, and guess who pulls up next to you? Yep, that's right...the STARERS! Apparently that alien is still in your backseat because they can't keep their eyes off of your car...good grief folks! This makes it so uncomfortable for me in particular, because one thing about me...I like to jam in my car when I am driving...yep, I like to sing along with songs while I am driving. Well, if every time I stop, people are looking at me like I just birthed a Sasquatch, it makes it difficult to move my mouth with the lyrics. I am not the type of person that can just jam at a stoplight, head bobbing, singing along, windows down...I wish I had that confidence, but those are the types I giggle at. I look at them and I am like, "Wow, they must really like that song!!" But I am the type that if I come to a stoplight I will just mumble the lyrics or cover my mouth while I sing one needs to know I am singing!

I also hate it when people cut me off!!! If you knew you needed to be in the lane I am in, get in behind me!! Don't speed up and practically run me off the road to get into this lane!! Even more than that, the ones that just tick me right off are the ones that cut me off and then go SLOW!!! If you're going to be a jerk and cut me off, at least be a jerk that goes FAST when you cut me off! When someone cuts me off, I go around them, and I purposefully give them a mean look when I drive past them, because yes, they just ruined my life for a few minutes!

There are many kinds of driving experiences to be had out there...but as for road rage, I'd say that maybe I have a little "LOT" of it! Just a teensy tiny "TON" of it! Not too much, just a BUNCH of it!
How about you? Got any road rage? I bet if you look deep down inside, you have a little "Road Rage" monster that works his way out every once in a while. Some more than others, but just remember, it's not YOU that's the bad's EVERYONE ELSE!!! :D

Friday, April 1, 2011

I am BLOG-tastic! Thanks for asking!!!

Hello my blog readers! How are you doing today?  I can't help but notice that I have had a lot of readers of my last blog (Movie Quote blog), but I haven't been getting any comments. :(  This saddens me. So, in this blog, I am just going to ask a few questions about YOU (the reader). Please, respond in a comment to my questions. I just want to get to know who my readers are.  I know some of you personally and others I don't know at all. Let's get to know eachother a little bit! Shall we? As I ask the questions, I will put MY answers to the questions as well, so you can learn a few things about me as well.  Maybe instead of just being BLOGquaintences, we can be BLOGuddies. I know I am weird...I am sure you have figured that out already.  Anyway...the QUESTIONS! :D

1. What is your name?  My name is Jessica (nice to meet you)
2. What is your QUEST? My quest is to seek the Holy Grail! (sorry, just HAD to do that!!!)
3. What is your favorite color? My favorite color is blue.
4. How old are you? I am 27 (yeah, that's in my bio already, I know, and you don't have to answer this if you don't want to, of course)
5. Do you have any siblings? How many? Yes, I do. I have 3 sisters.
6. Do you have any pets? I have 3 cats (Snitchel, Vincent, and Mica) and a dog (Luna)
7. What is your favorite movie? Mine is Fiddler on the Roof.
8. What is your least favorite chore to do around the house? My least favorite would have to be dishes! (we don't have a dishwasher...well, we do, but it's name is Jessica)
9. Are you right or left handed (or perhaps ambidexterous)?  I am right-handed.
10. Where are you from? I am in Fort Wayne, Indiana, USA
11. What is your favorite kind of music? I like ALL kinds of music. There isn't really a genre of music that I can't find something to like in.
12. What is your natural hair color? Mine is brown.
13. What color are your eyes? Mine are REALLY dark brown. They look black most of the time.
14. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go? I'd like to visit the United Kingdom.
15. Do you have any piercings and/or tattoos? I have each ear pierced twice and I have a tattoo of a small butterfly on my lower back.
16. What is your favorite meal of all time? Mine is a nice steak, a baked potato, and a salad.
17. Have you ever found a four leaf clover? I sure have!! (It didn't bring me extra luck, but it was cool to find)
18. Do you like dill pickles or sweet pickles better? DILL ALL THE WAY!! :D
19. What is your favorite pizza topping? Mine is definitely pepperoni.
20. Have you ever ridden on a horse? Yes, I have. And it was great fun!!
21. Do you speak multiple languages? If so, how many, and which ones? I really only speak English, I know a little bit of Spanish and can say "Hello" in a couple of other languages. :)
22. Have you ever sneezed so hard that you had to check the tissue to make sure that part of your brain didn't come out through your nose?? Yes...and it is SO painful! There weren't any brain particles, but it felt like I had sneezed my brain out. OUCH!
23. Have you ever had stitches? Yes, I have. 3 times. Once when I cut my finger (2 stitches), once when I had a procedure done on my ear (2 stitches), and when I had two wisdom teeth cut out (1 stitch each).
24. Do you have a significant other? Yes, I do. I have a fiance.
25. It's Friday night, would you rather: Stay in and watch movies? or Go out and PARTY like an animal? I am really kind of a home body. I like to be home. So, for me, it'd be stay in and watch movies.
27. If you could have one special power, what would you pick?  I'd love to be able to read minds!
28. What is one thing you hate about yourself? I don't really care for my body structure...
29. What is one thing you like about yourself? I like to think I am a good friend. I am very caring.
30. What was the last movie you saw in a movie theater? I saw Paul!!! It is hilarious!
31. Just by looking around from where you are sitting, what is something near you that is the color GREEN? My shirt is green.
32. Do you blog? (If so, please put a link to your blog page, I'd like to follow you). Well, obviously I're reading it right now. :P
33. Are you allergic to anything? If so, what? Yes, I am allergic to Tetanus shots...gotta look out for those rusty nails and rabid dogs. :P
34. If you were stranded on an island, what are 2 things you'd want an endless supply of? Well, probably fresh water...and sun screen! :D  I can catch/find food. :)
35.  Have you ever said anything to someone that you wish you could take back? Yes, I have told some people that I hate them...when in all actuality, I don't hate THEM, I just hate what they did to me.
36. What size shoe do you wear?  I wear an 8.5.
37. Have you ever wished on a shooting star?  Yes, but it didn't come true.
38. Did you notice that there is no question #26? Of course I noticed...I typed it. :P
39. Do you enjoy my blogs? Well, I hope you enjoy them. I know I enjoy typing them!
40. Will you have a good day today? I am going to try to have one... I sure hope that you do too!!!

Please respond in comments to these questions. I'd like to know who my readers are. :)
Also, if for any reason you don't want me to post your comments, just let me know...I will respect your wishes and keep your comment to myself. If you don't mind your comment being posted, I will post it. :)

Thanks so much readers, and have a most fantastically, BLOGerrific day!!!