Thursday, March 31, 2011

Movie Quote Fanatics...this Blog is for YOU!

In this bloggy-blog, I am going to put a lot of movie quotes. Please respond to this blog and tell me what movie (you can even tell me the name of the character who said the quote) it is from! This is my first "Interactive" Blog...I want YOUR response.  In about two weeks from now, I will post a blog with the answers! Do you have a know-it-all friend that thinks they know every line of every movie?  Send this to them! Let them try it out too! Let's see what you've got my little blog readers!!!  Good luck! And don't forget to send your answers in a comment!  I do want to warn you, however, that I will NOT be posting your comments to this blog, UNTIL I put out the blog giving the answers. I don't want to ruin the experience for anyone. So, let's see whatchya got!

1. "In Europe, it's not considered unusual for three or four men to share a bed."

2. "Ho, what did I say? Did you hear what I said? I heard what I said 'cause I was standing there when  I said it."

3. "What I am saying to you, is that you are the kind of club-toting, raw-meat-eating, Me-Tarzan-You-Jane-ing big bald bubblehead who can only count to ten if he's barefoot or wearing sandals."

4. "Wow! Theres a big surprise! I think I'm going to have a heart attack and die, from that surprise."

5. "The first boy I ever kissed ended up in a coma for three weeks. I can still feel him inside my head. It's the same with you."

6. "You're not quite evil enough. You're semi-evil. You're quasi-evil. You're the margarine of evil. You're the Diet Coke of evil, just one calorie, not evil enough."

7. "Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple."

8. "It's not true. Some have great stories, pretty stories that take place at lakes with boats and friends and noodle salad. Just no one in this car. But, a lot of people, that's their story. Good times, noodle salad. What makes it so hard is not that you had it bad, but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good."

9. "The ablilty to speak does not make you intelligent."

10. "Feminine weaknesses and fainting spells are the direct result of our confining young girls to the house, bent over their needlework, and restrictive corsets."

11. "In every job that must be done, there is an element of fun. You find the fun and - SNAP - the job's a game!"

12. "You can take our car, and you can take our keys, but you cannot take away our dreams!"

13. "I run my unit how I run my unit. You want to investigate me, roll the dice and take your chances. I eat breakfast 300 yard from 4000 Cubans who are trained to kill me, so don't think for one second that you can come down here, flash a badge, and make me nervous."

14. "Y'know, this was supposed to be my weekend off, but noooo. You got me out here draggin' your heavy ass through the burnin' desert with your dreadlocks stickin' out the back of my parachute. You gotta come down here with an attitude, actin' all big and bad... and what the hell is that smell? I could've been at a barbecue!"

15. "Here it goes: I sped. I followed too closely. I ran a stop sign. I almost hit a Chevy. I sped some more. I failed to yield at a crosswalk. I changed lanes at an intersection. I changed lanes without signaling while running a red light and SPEEDING!"

16. "I understand you may have had sexual relations with my daughter before, but under our roof, it's my way or the Long Island Expressway! So just keep your snake in its cage for 72 hours."

17. "Listen, strange women lyin' in ponds distributin' swords is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony!"

18. "I've been dead once already; it's very liberating. You might think of it as... therapy."

19. "Hey, maybe you haven't been keeping up on current events, but we just got our asses kicked pal!"

20. "I want rustlers, cutthroats, murders, bounty hunters, desperados, mugs, pugs, thugs, nitwits, halfwits, dimwits, vipers, snipers, con-men, Indian agents, Mexican bandits, muggers, buggerers, bushwhackers, hornswogglars, horse thieves, bull-dykes, train robbers, bank robbers, ass-kickers, sh**-kickers, and Methodists!"

21. "You're a . . . You're a complex Freudian hallucination having something to do with my mother, and I don't know why you have wings, but you have very lovely legs, and you're a very nice tiny person, and what am I saying, I don't know who my mother was--I'm an orphan--and I've never taken drugs, because I missed the sixties, I was an accountant."

22. "Those who are bound by desire, can see only that which can be held in their hands."

23. "You take the blue pill, the story ends. You wake up in your bed and you believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill, you stay in wonderland. And, I show you how deep the rabbit hole goes."

24. "If we give into those people, we're giving into all the cute and fuzzy bunnies in the world."

25. "Good luck to you, too. Well, actually, I take that back. I hope you don't do well at all. Now that I think about it, I hope you get violated by pig-monkey men in the woods."

26. "My brains, his steal, and your strength, against 60 men. And, you think a little head jiggle is supposed to make me happy?"

27. "Listen pal, you're client's a scumbag, you're a scumbag, and scumbags see the judge on Monday morning."

28. "A Jose Canseco bat? Tell me, you didn't pay money for this."

29. "Well, what have we got here. Will you look at her. Those flashing eyes, those flushed cheeks, those trembling lips. You know something princess, you are ugly when you're angry."

30. "I take pleasure in guttin' you, boy. I take pleasure in guttin' you, boy!"

31. "Can you see her?  Now imagine she's white."

32. "The heavenly aroma still hung heavy in the house, but it was gone, all gone! No turkey! No turkey sandwiches, no turkey salad, no turkey gravy, turkey hash, turkey a la king, or gallons of turkey soup! Gone, all gone!"

33. "Don't you ever talk about my friends! You don't know any of my friends! You don't look at any of my friends! And, you certainly wouldn't condescend to speak to any of my friends! So you just stick to the things you know: shopping, nail polish, your father's B.M.W., and your poor, rich, drunk mother in the Caribbean!"

34. "The appropriate question is 'when the hell are they?!'"

35. "Here are Scotland's terms: Lower your flags and march straight back to England. Stopping at every home you pass by to beg forgiveness for 100 years of theft, rape, and murder. Do that, and your men shall live. Do it not, and everyone of you will die today."

36. "I've sent in my application to the Real World. So I'm hoping to hear back from that. I'm putting A LOT of my eggs into that basket, the MTV basket. I'm also thinking about getting a gun, and dealing crack. Being a crack dealer. Not like a mean crack dealer, but like... like a nice one. Kinda friendly like, hey, what's up guys? Want some crack? I'm just waiting on those two things to flesh themselves out."

37. "It ain't fittin'... it ain't fittin'. It jes' ain't fittin'... It ain't fittin'."

38. "Why don't you boys go down to Wall Street and find some real crooks? Whoever sold you those suits had a wonderful sense of humor."

39. "As long as we can destroy 'em faster than they can make 'em, we'll come out on top."

40. "Five thousand of my men are out there in the freezing mud. Three thousand of them are bloodied and cleaved. Two thousand will never leave this place. I will not believe they fought and died for nothing."

There you have it folks!  GOOD LUCK!  Please send your responses to me in a comment...if you don't know it, OH WELL! Just guess or skip it!  Have fun with this...let's see what you know!  Again, like I said, I will not be posting your comments until the challenge is over and I have posted the answers, so that no fun is ruined for anyone else.  If I get a good enough response from this, I may do song lyrics or more movies in a future blog.  Also, please share this with other people, especially if you know someone who knows every single quote of every single movie!

Thanks, and have a great day all! :D

Saturday, March 26, 2011

You can't spell Diet without DIE!!!

I would like to dedicate this blog to all of the people out there who have ever tried a diet/exercise/weight loss plan thingy. Hmm...where to begin?  Well, I know that everyone who has started a diet plan starts with so much passion, so much desire to succeed, and so much willingness to do WHATEVER it takes to accomplish the goal. If only dieting was as simple as "wishing" the pounds away... Ok, let me get out of my dream here and lets look at the facts!

When you start a diet, you don't quite realize what you're getting yourself into until you are a couple weeks in. Most diet plans consist of eating NEXT TO NOTHING, five times a day! I know diets sound great because they are like, YOU NEED TO EAT about 5 times a day! Well, yeah, you eat 5 croutons a day! Occasionally you can have a salad to put those 5 croutons on. And you have to drink so much water everyday that your day ends up consisting of you either floating through the day or going to the bathroom every 5 minutes because you're about to drown internally in your own urine!
So anyway, you eat your 5 croutons and drink your 5 gallons of water a day, and you're feeling pretty dang good about yourself...that is until you run into complications. WHAT? You didn't actually expect a diet to be EASY, did you?!?!  There are SO many bumps on the diet road....that's putting it lightly...there are BUMPS, POTHOLES, TRENCHES, and HUGE WALLS on the road of dieting! There is ALWAYS something there to tempt you.
For instance, let's say you are sitting there nibbling on your noon-time crouton and in walks someone with a huge juicy burger and some french fries and a coke! I swear these people know when you're dieting...they SEEK YOU OUT and torture you with the delicious aroma... Now you have to swallow the soggy crouton that got so drenched from the drooling you were doing smelling that delicious food! You look at them and they look right back at you, smile an evil smile of death, and take a HUGE bite out of the burger. You watch in complete agony and you can feel your stomach trying to break its way out of your body to go jump in someone else's body so it can actually get some food!!
Wait a're better than can defeat this temptation. So, you pick up your gallon of water, and you take a huge gulp and you smile back at that no good, sorry, worthless, waste of space, and you walk away. (You sure showed him! I bet he was so jealous of the gallon of water and soggy crouton, he is probably wishing he'd had that instead of the burger now!)

Family is another problem in just about every dieters life. Yeah, you are on the diet, but they are not. And they make sure you KNOW that! While you are having your delectable crouton for dinner, they are having steaks on the grill, baked potatoes and corn on the cob...oh, and for dessert chocolate cake with chocolate icing! Guess what YOU get for dessert? Yep, that's right...WATER! Enjoy!

Holidays are also a dieters NIGHTMARE! I mean, really, if I am on a diet, and it's Thanksgiving, I'd rather stay home and give my thanks from there, because I will not be feeling very "Thankful" to be surrounded by TONS of food that I can not partake in! And diet gurus tell you, "Well, just don't eat as much. Just eat a little bit and you will be fine!" They think anyone would have the self control to have just the tiniest slice of turkey, 1 tablespoon of mashed potatoes, 1/3 teaspoon of gravy, (skip the stuffing, it's too fattening), 1 crumb of a roll, 1greenbean of greenbean casserole, and no pumpkin pie? Heck NO! I want a couple slices of turkey, half a pan of mashed potatoes, 1 cup of gravy, a spoonful of stuffing, 1 (maybe 2) rolls, plenty of greenbean casserole, and half of a pumpkin pie topped in half of a tub of cool whip!!!! I want to stuff myself SO full that I can hardly breathe! But no! I can't do that... I am on a diet!!!!!

So, obviously there are plenty of hard situations that come along in a dieters life, but the ones with true desire can accomplish anything they set their mind to. And that's all it is, really...a mind game. Heck, next time you see someone walking around with a burger (and you have that crouton), try this thought method...just picture that burger duct-taped to your butt cheeks!!! See that delicious cake? Picture it strapped to your thighs!  It's mind over matter, and if you just picture that food stuck all over your body, maybe it might not be so tempting. OR you could just walk up to "Burger Boy" and SMACK HIM ACROSS THE FACE!!! That might work wonders too. :D

So...most diets have something else they like to toss at you...a lot of them like to hit you with this line, "Most diet plans have better results if done with an EXERCISE Program" Yeah, on top of not being able to eat, they want you to exercise as well!
So, here we go to the GYM!!!!!

So, I get to the gym and my first thought is, "Why are these people here working out?  They all just look like they stepped out of a magazine or off of a runway...why are they here?!?!" So, now I feel like I am the fattest, most unfit person in the entire gym, and I am sure EVERY single person there is looking at me and thinking "Just go back to your some twinkies, and leave the working out to us beautiful people!"
Once I get past that thought, I get on the treadmill and start walking. I walk for about 3 minutes and I have to stop...why? Because I have to pee so bad from my crouton/water diet!!!!! After using the restroom, I come back out and my treadmill is no longer available, so I decide to do some machines. I walk back to the ab machines and sit down and start working out...I am feeling pretty good...then just as I have my midsection in full extension, I hear,
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" "UUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" "GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH" What the heck??? Is there a mother gorilla giving birth in the back of the gym?!?!?!?'s the hardcore weight lifting men. I know they are just trying to get a good intense workout...but COME ON! I have to workout here too, and it's hard to workout when I am laughing on the inside!! Have you ever been laughing and because of the giggles your arms have now become USELESS? Yeah, that happened to me! I couldn't do anything because my arms were so weak from the giggles that were going through my body!   Screw this...I'll come back tomorrow!

So, I leave and head home and every single fast food restaurant is calling my name on the way. "Look at me! I have a lovely cheeseburger with your name all over it...and I love you (to spend money here)"

It's a never ending cycle. Temptation here, things you can't have there, and it sucks!

So, if you are starving all the time, peeing all the time, and completely miserable, and wish you could, my friend, are probably on a DIEt!

P.S. I am starting a diet tomorrow...wish me luck. =/

Friday, March 25, 2011

One size fits ALL? REALLY?

Hello Folks! In this blog I am going to discuss something that has never made sense to me.
Ever go shopping and find a piece of clothing and you look for the size and it simply says, "One Size Fits All"? I would like to say right here, right now... NO IT DOES NOT!

Who the heck is "All"?!?!?  I want to see this person! I want to see what "All" looks like! Because clearly I should be within the definition of "All", but my gosh...there's no way I can wear some of those "One size fits all" things! I want to know who the heck they tried that outfit on when they were like, "Yep, Ted, that is going to fit everyone...let's just put "One Size Fits All" on the tag and call it a day!" 
Yeah right...the conversation was probably more like, "Hey Ted!! Come check this out! This shirt fits the mannequin perfectly!! Wouldn't it be funny as hell if we just put 'One Size Fits All' on this tag??"
Well folks, I have obviously seen mannequins before, and let me tell you something...THEY HAVE NO BOOBS!!!!!!!!!! So you can NOT sit there and tell me that a shirt that fits a "mosquito-bite" size boob is going to fit someone hauling 2 small watermelons around!!!! It just ain't happening!!!
And trust me, when "2 watermelon" lady tries to stuff herself in that one size fits all, it's not a pretty picture...not unless you like Uni-boobs! That's all those shirts do...make it look like your 2 watermelons have joined to make one giant watermelon...not cool.
So, I think that "OSFA" (Yeah, I said OSFA cause I am cool like that, and if you can't tell what that means, stop, go back to the beginning and read again, cause you missed the point of this blog!!!) should not exist anymore. It is cruel and unusual to try cramming all body types into one size...I don't care how much the designer hopes and dreams of all women in the world being mannequin shaped, it's not gonna happen!

Now, I would like to say one thing about this OSFA industry.  I would like to give them props for attempting to change their ways a little bit. Yes, I have seen this subtle change and I applaud their effort. I have seen some articles of clothing that no longer say "One Size Fits All", they now say, "One Size Fits MOST"!
Most??!?! Really? Ok, I know I said that I applaud their effort...but NOT ANYMORE! It's still ridiculous! It's the same size as the "OSFA" but they just changed it to "OSFM"!

I think they just need to quit trying.  Just put a tag in it that says, "If You're Not As Small As A Mannequin, Keep Walking. You Will Never Be Able To Wear This Shirt!"  OR  "If Your Breasts Are Any Bigger Than Mosquito-Bites This Top Is Not For You."

Maybe I should go into the "Tag Making" Industry. Maybe I am in the wrong line of work.

The other really bad thing about labeling things as "One Size Fits All" is because there are some women out there who believe EVERYTHING THEY READ!!!!  Come on people! Spare us!!  If you can't BREATHE in the top, IT DOES NOT FIT YOU!!!!  If it doesn't cover you, it does NOT FIT! If people can see body parts that are not supposed to be exposed in public (unless you're on a nude beach), well then, honey, that outfit is NOT for you.  Don't believe everything you read....TAGS LIE!!!

One Size Fits All is what we can consider like a Unicorn...A Myth...A LIE!  Don't believe it's like a man telling you that something looks "GREAT" on you when you know for a fact it makes your butt look big...but that's neither here nor there.

Bottom Line is: One Size Fits All, MY BUTT!!!!!!

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Shopping TERROR!!!

In this blog, I would like to discuss shopping trip nightmares that we all have had, or will have one day. Since you have to park in a parking lot, I will start there.

So, I pull into the parking lot at Wal-Mart, and I am the type of person that prides myself in my ability to locate parking spaces that are close to the door. I am not handicapped, but there is a great deal of satisfaction in finding a parking space that is right next to a handicap space (i.e. the closest you can get without a handicap sticker or plate). So, I am cruising through the aisle looking for a good space and THERE IT IS!!!
I can hardly contain myself as I am getting closer to the space! I see someone pull around the corner from the other end of the aisle and I KNOW they are going to try to steal my parking space! I just know it!! So I do what everyone else would do and I SPEED UP to show that person that I was waiting for that spot and that it is MINE! Oh, and I also turn on my blinker, signaling that I want that spot...I am not a complete jerk, here, ok? Geez!  So anyway, they see me, and they continue past MY spot.
I am getting closer and closer and I can taste the victory...and then I realize why the other people passed up my parking space. Yes, as I get to the parking space I realize that there is a MOTORCYCLE parked in my space!!! My heart sinks and suddenly I feel like a bit of an idiot. Those people didn't pass up that spot because of the rage they could see in my face...they didn't pass it up because I dang near ran someone over to speed up to prove that I was waiting for that blinker didn't even phase them.
No, these people passed up this space because from their angle, they saw a motorcycle in the space, and they were probably laughing the rest of the day, talking about the idiot that was possessive over a parking space that they were never going to get. It's sad then I have a choice, either I can just leave and do my shopping the next day, or I can sheepishly park on the other side of the parking lot, in the farthest space from the building and just hope that no one recognizes me.
What the Heck am I talking about?!? I am here to do some shopping! It's not MY fault some loser parked their little bike in a parking space!! It's THEIR fault I was made to feel dumb, so NO, I will not park a mile away from the store, I will get a decent parking space and I will pridefully walk into that store and get what I was there for!!! I think it should be mandatory that big stores like this have parking specifically for bikes and Smart Cars. (YES, I SAID SMART CARS!) They are just as bad! You don't even see the dang things until you pull into the space and are on top of their car! You could park those things 2 deep in ONE parking space!
Anyway, I digress... So, I go inside the store, and am starting to feel a tiny bit better about my life. I get a shopping cart. I don't know about anyone else, and it may just be me, but out of the hundreds of shopping carts sitting there, I ALWAYS, ALWAYS, ALWAYS pick one that has something wrong with the wheels! One wheel doesn't turn, one wheel wobbles because it doesn't quite hit the floor, or something. Something is always wrong with the cart that I pick! Or it's the one that you can hear throughout the entire STORE!!! "SQUEEEEEEK! Oh, look at me, I was picked by the idiot who tried to park in the space with a motorcycle in it!! SQUEEEK! Look at this idiot! Why didn't she just get a different cart? SQUEEEK!!!" Yes, my carts talk, don't yours?

So then I just continue on my way. Going up and down aisles looking for the items I need. Then I go down the cereal aisle, and I could swear that there was a party going on down this aisle! Why does everyone in the state of Indiana need cereal RIGHT NOW? Why are they all in this aisle?!?! Did I miss the invitation to this party or something? Of course the cereal I want is in the MIDDLE of the aisle, so I wait. I sit there and wait as the line of people moves at negative 50 miles per hour! I feel like I am waiting in line for a roller coaster ride at Cedar Point or something! What the heck! I just want a box of cereal! Is that too much to ask!?
Well, I finally get my cereal and get the heck out of that aisle. By this point I am already starting to feel frustrated, but I continue on.
I turn the corner and go down the next aisle. I get behind this lady and she stops to look at something. She positions her cart SIDEWAYS in the aisle and stands at the other end of her cart, thus blocking the ENTIRE AISLE! And folks, she a "reader". Yes, she reads the entire contents of each box she picks up! She was probably picturing herself making whatever she was looking at. Probably even picturing what she was going to be wearing while she fixed that meal! She takes 5 hours reading all of these boxes and I stand there waiting "PATIENTLY" of course! Yeah right! I am about to scream at the top of my lungs and tell this lady to get the heck outta my way! Why didn't I just turn around and go around and come up on the other side of the aisle, you ask? It's the PRINCIPLE of the matter! She should NOT be blocking the entire aisle...come on! It's common sense AND common courtesy!
So, finally, this lady looks up and sees me standing there and says, "Oh! I am sorry. I am blocking the whole aisle." (No kidding, genius!) Then she proceeds to move her cart a little bit, just enough for me to SQUEEZE past her. No, she didn't move it enough for me to comfortably walk past, just enough for me to slide past her. So, I get what I needed in that aisle and turn to go up the next aisle and dang near run over a little kid!
In the next aisle I need to go through there are 100 children running rampant through the aisle! Did I turn the corner and enter Chuck-E-Cheeses or something?!?! What's going on here?!? And the sad part is, they all belong to the lady who is in the next aisle. Yeah, that's right...she has about 7 children and I don't think she knows where any of them are! I know where they are! 2 of them are stuck in the wheels of MY shopping cart! The other 5 are remodeling Wal-Mart! Why do these women have all of these children and then not take care of them?! I swear! 

So anyway, after I get away from the unsupervised terrors (Heaven knows I don't want anyone to think they are MY children!!!) I get to the last aisle I need to go down. And what do you know? There are two women standing there talking. I don't mind the talking part, but what I do mind is that they are standing in a way that not even a mouse could get past them! What is up with these people?!? Come on! This is a store! Not a Starbucks! Haven't seen eachother in 10 years? Well, that's not MY fault! Exchange numbers, promise you'll call eachother (and never do) and get the heck out of my way!!! WalMart is not the place for class reunions! MOVE!!!! Well, since there are 2 of them blocking the aisle, it doesn't take near as long for one of them to see me and realize that I am waiting to pass through... "Oops. Look, we are blocking the whole aisle! *giggle, giggle*"  They are laughing about this?!??! I am NOT laughing!!! This is NOT funny!

I am finally nearing the end of this miserable shopping trip. I get in line at the checkout...and would you believe it? I happened to get in line with the guy who just started YESTERDAY!
About 20 minutes later, after he scans my 20 items, I am ready to get out of there!!!
As I walk out and I am walking toward my car, apparently EVERY SINGLE parking space between the handicap spaces and where I had to park are now available! Even the dang motorcycle is gone!!

SCREW THIS DAY! I am NEVER, EVER going to WalMart again!!!!
Till next week...

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Painless hair removal? YEAH RIGHT!!!

In this blog I would like to discuss something that is, to me, non-existant. Painless hair removal. There are so many products out there and so many of them claim that they are "Pain Free". I'd like to call their bluff, and I'd like to call it RIGHT NOW! I have personally tried many of these hair removal products for myself. I wish to discuss a couple of them. 

Let's start with the creams. You're supposed to simply put a thick layer of cream on the area you want the hair removed and let it sit for 8 minutes. Not 5 minutes, not 10 minutes, but 8 minutes! So, you put this pain free cream on, let's say, your upper lip to remove the lip fuzz that we all have...this is when the pain begins! It feels like you have literally ironed your lip! Yeah, your lip will be burning for a few days after this "pain-free" hair removal! Not to mention, when I was done removing it, I looked like I could be one of Angelina Jolie's flesh and blood daughters with how swollen my upper lip was!

Ok, on to the next...waxing... seriously?  Who the heck were they testing waxing on when they could even fathom labeling it "pain-free"?!??!?!?  Were they testing it on a coma patient?!  Waxing is NOT a pain free experience, I don't care who you are! First you heat up this jelly like substance in the microwave...then you place it in a thick layer over the area you want to remove hair from...let's say a leg. So, I placed hot wax on my leg and then followed the instructions of placing a "backing strip" over the wax, rubbing it hard so it makes the connection with the wax, that has made a connection with my hairs, then with one quick motion, you pull the backing strip off against the hair growth...this then pulls out the hairs to the root that it was attached to.  I am living proof that this is NOT a pain free moment. It's like pulling the hairs, muscles, veins, etc. right out of your leg! It feels like you are peeling your leg inside out! Then, the pain doesn't stop there. A wax kit usually comes with a nice little bottle of lotion that is supposed to soothe the pain (that you're not even supposed to have). So, you apply this lotion that might as well be like applying salt because of the good it doesn't'd be better off just drinking a few margaritas, that'd probably help the pain better than this "soothing" lotion!

Lastly, I'd like to discuss home laser hair removal. Yes, you can purchase a torture device and use it in the comfort of your own home. When you read the instructions, it says that the only discomfort you will feel while using the laser, is what they consider like being snapped on the leg with a rubber band. Now, I'd like to explain what it really feels like.  It's not a simple snap of a rubber band, it is like being stung by a jelly-fish! Or maybe having someone snap you with a rubber band from the inside of your leg.  It is not pain-free! This, like the other painless hair removal products, has lingering pain that doesn't seem to want to go away...Lingering pain that you weren't even supposed to have at all according to the lies on the box.

Like I said, who are they testing these hair removal products on when they have the audacity to label them as pain-free? Were they testing them on the Incredible Hulk? Or maybe they were testing them on a person that has no feeling in their bodies.  But they certainly weren't testing them on your average person. According to how I was made to feel when trying these products, I would label these products:
"WARNING: You are about to experience some of the most excruciating pain you will ever feel... it is in your best interest to either be drunk, knocked out, or put to sleep before trying this!!"

Bathroom Confusion...?

Well, I am going to blog about this since I just recently had this experience.  It is not a pleasant one, and I am sure I am not the only one who has had it. This is also not the only place this has happened either. Anyway, we went to see Paul at the Rave here in good ol' Fort Wayne, Indiana (by the way, if you haven't seen Paul, I highly recommend it!) and for the sake of not missing any of the movie, I decided to use the ladies room before the movie started. Well, you know it's going to be an unpleasant experience if you can barely get into the stall without falling into the toilet because of how close the door is to it! I mean, seriously!, WHO DESIGNED THESE STALLS?! That jerk is probably laughing somewhere thinking, "Hmm, I wonder if anyone has fallen backwards into a toilet today trying to get the door shut!" I mean, would it really be that difficult to just have the doors open OUTWARD?! Then that way you have the entire stall to move around in. Anyway, so, I finally get the door shut and locked, then I sit down. I noticed instantly that my left leg is positioned UNDERNEATH the toilet paper dispenser! Really?!?! And folks, I am sitting correctly on this toilet, I am not sitting with my right butt cheek on the left part of the, I am sitting directly in the center of the toilet seat, like you're supposed to, and my leg is directly under the T.P. dispenser. What the heck were they thinking?!?! I mean, come on! Couldn't they have put the dispenser up a few inches? Or maybe even farther out from the toilet a little bit? No, of course not. So, I have to reach down, then back up past my leg and pull out some toilet paper. I didn't think I'd be playing "Twister" just to get some dang toilet paper, but apparently that's what you have to do in that bathroom. "Left hand on white"..if you can!!! So, after untangling myself I go to wash my hands. I am only 27, but sometimes the technology today confuses even me! I am looking all over the place for the button or the faucet thing to turn the water on, and there isn't one... Then I see the little black sensor below the faucet. Oh, ok, I have to wave at the sink to get it to turn on...interesting. So, I get my hands washed and now I am ready to dry them. Now, I am familiar with the blow dryers for your hands, but the new ones that they've come out with are INSANE! It'd be like blow drying your hands behind a jet that's about to take off! Yeah, these things feel like they are going to blow your skin right off! I remember back when I was younger, they had the ones that blew so softly that you might as well just blow on your own hands, or just wipe them on your jeans, if you wanted them to be dry anytime in that century! Yeah, you'd have to push the button 4-5 times just to get your hands dry...but not anymore! No siree! Now you can blow that water (and your skin) right off your hands and they will be dry in 10 seconds or less!

So anyway, yeah, I might have said some of this in a funny way, but it's all the truth! This all really happened to me. I am going to continue to blog real instances that I go through. Some blogs will be serious, some not so serious. But seriously, I hope you all have a good day, and I hope you all get to experience the bathroom terrors I have been through for yourselves one day!

Take care, and bye-bye for now!