I would like to dedicate this blog to all of the people out there who have ever tried a diet/exercise/weight loss plan thingy. Hmm...where to begin? Well, I know that everyone who has started a diet plan starts with so much passion, so much desire to succeed, and so much willingness to do WHATEVER it takes to accomplish the goal. If only dieting was as simple as "wishing" the pounds away... Ok, let me get out of my dream here and lets look at the facts!
When you start a diet, you don't quite realize what you're getting yourself into until you are a couple weeks in. Most diet plans consist of eating NEXT TO NOTHING, five times a day! I know diets sound great because they are like, YOU NEED TO EAT about 5 times a day! Well, yeah, you eat 5 croutons a day! Occasionally you can have a salad to put those 5 croutons on. And you have to drink so much water everyday that your day ends up consisting of you either floating through the day or going to the bathroom every 5 minutes because you're about to drown internally in your own urine!
So anyway, you eat your 5 croutons and drink your 5 gallons of water a day, and you're feeling pretty dang good about yourself...that is until you run into complications. WHAT? You didn't actually expect a diet to be EASY, did you?!?! There are SO many bumps on the diet road....that's putting it lightly...there are BUMPS, POTHOLES, TRENCHES, and HUGE WALLS on the road of dieting! There is ALWAYS something there to tempt you.
For instance, let's say you are sitting there nibbling on your noon-time crouton and in walks someone with a huge juicy burger and some french fries and a coke! I swear these people know when you're dieting...they SEEK YOU OUT and torture you with the delicious aroma... Now you have to swallow the soggy crouton that got so drenched from the drooling you were doing smelling that delicious food! You look at them and they look right back at you, smile an evil smile of death, and take a HUGE bite out of the burger. You watch in complete agony and you can feel your stomach trying to break its way out of your body to go jump in someone else's body so it can actually get some food!!
Wait a second...you're better than this...you can defeat this temptation. So, you pick up your gallon of water, and you take a huge gulp and you smile back at that no good, sorry, worthless, waste of space, and you walk away. (You sure showed him! I bet he was so jealous of the gallon of water and soggy crouton, he is probably wishing he'd had that instead of the burger now!)
Family is another problem in just about every dieters life. Yeah, you are on the diet, but they are not. And they make sure you KNOW that! While you are having your delectable crouton for dinner, they are having steaks on the grill, baked potatoes and corn on the cob...oh, and for dessert chocolate cake with chocolate icing! Guess what YOU get for dessert? Yep, that's right...WATER! Enjoy!
Holidays are also a dieters NIGHTMARE! I mean, really, if I am on a diet, and it's Thanksgiving, I'd rather stay home and give my thanks from there, because I will not be feeling very "Thankful" to be surrounded by TONS of food that I can not partake in! And diet gurus tell you, "Well, just don't eat as much. Just eat a little bit and you will be fine!" They think anyone would have the self control to have just the tiniest slice of turkey, 1 tablespoon of mashed potatoes, 1/3 teaspoon of gravy, (skip the stuffing, it's too fattening), 1 crumb of a roll, 1greenbean of greenbean casserole, and no pumpkin pie? Heck NO! I want a couple slices of turkey, half a pan of mashed potatoes, 1 cup of gravy, a spoonful of stuffing, 1 (maybe 2) rolls, plenty of greenbean casserole, and half of a pumpkin pie topped in half of a tub of cool whip!!!! I want to stuff myself SO full that I can hardly breathe! But no! I can't do that... I am on a diet!!!!!
So, obviously there are plenty of hard situations that come along in a dieters life, but the ones with true desire can accomplish anything they set their mind to. And that's all it is, really...a mind game. Heck, next time you see someone walking around with a burger (and you have that crouton), try this thought method...just picture that burger duct-taped to your butt cheeks!!! See that delicious cake? Picture it strapped to your thighs! It's mind over matter, and if you just picture that food stuck all over your body, maybe it might not be so tempting. OR you could just walk up to "Burger Boy" and SMACK HIM ACROSS THE FACE!!! That might work wonders too. :D
So...most diets have something else they like to toss at you...a lot of them like to hit you with this line, "Most diet plans have better results if done with an EXERCISE Program" Yeah, on top of not being able to eat, they want you to exercise as well!
So, here we go to the GYM!!!!!
So, I get to the gym and my first thought is, "Why are these people here working out? They all just look like they stepped out of a magazine or off of a runway...why are they here?!?!" So, now I feel like I am the fattest, most unfit person in the entire gym, and I am sure EVERY single person there is looking at me and thinking "Just go back to your couch...eat some twinkies, and leave the working out to us beautiful people!"
Once I get past that thought, I get on the treadmill and start walking. I walk for about 3 minutes and I have to stop...why? Because I have to pee so bad from my crouton/water diet!!!!! After using the restroom, I come back out and my treadmill is no longer available, so I decide to do some machines. I walk back to the ab machines and sit down and start working out...I am feeling pretty good...then just as I have my midsection in full extension, I hear,
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" "UUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" "GGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH" What the heck??? Is there a mother gorilla giving birth in the back of the gym?!?!?!?
No...it's the hardcore weight lifting men. I know they are just trying to get a good intense workout...but COME ON! I have to workout here too, and it's hard to workout when I am laughing on the inside!! Have you ever been laughing and because of the giggles your arms have now become USELESS? Yeah, that happened to me! I couldn't do anything because my arms were so weak from the giggles that were going through my body! Screw this...I'll come back tomorrow!
So, I leave and head home and every single fast food restaurant is calling my name on the way. "Look at me! I have a lovely cheeseburger with your name all over it...and I love you (to spend money here)"
It's a never ending cycle. Temptation here, things you can't have there, and it sucks!
So, if you are starving all the time, peeing all the time, and completely miserable, and wish you could DIE...you, my friend, are probably on a DIEt!
P.S. I am starting a diet tomorrow...wish me luck. =/
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